The Purple Plastic Implements of Doom

Woke up this morning

After another one of those crazy dreams

Oh nothing is going right this morning

The whole world is wrong it seems

Oh i guess its the chain that bind me

I cant shake it loose these chains and things

Got to work this morning

Seems like everything is lost

I got a cold hearted wrong doing woman

And a slave driving ball

I cant loose these chains that bind me

Cant shake them loose these chains and things

Just cant loose these chains and things

Which pretty much sums the first portion of my day up.

The second portion? "The purple plastic impliments of doom". Pictures will follow tomorrow, where with any luck my leg will be a nice dramatic shade of purple. To match the things that made them that way.

Perhaps I should back up and explain. I tried to find an article to link to but couldn't; it's called "scraping" and, well, it's exactly what it sounds like. They take what is basically...um...a long caulking blade. Except florescent purple. Then they drag--scrape--this along the injured area. The idea is to, in essence, reinjure it so it can heal properly and quicker. In my case, scar tissue is also worked out. This hurts.

At the moment my leg is pretty red, and the long-term bruising I've had since I orginally injured the leg two years ago is more pronounced than usual.

I kind of want a really dramatic purple and black and blue reward for my troubles. Like a trophy, only alot better at inducing sympathy. Because I'm a sympathy junkie...but I can give it up ANYTIME I WANT TO. Seriously.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

In case anyone is interested: there's a strong possibility that I'll get to take the Tolkien and Lewis class I wanted after all! I emailed the professor and expressed how much I wanted to take the class. She emailed me back saying "show up to class, someone usually drops out, and if not...maybe we could work something out."

This is extremely exciting for two reasons. One because, c'mon, it's a legitimate reason to study Tolkien and Lewis (Not just read. You don't understand. I'm the the person who owns a comparative study of the two authors already, the kind that's in dry scholarly language, and enjoyed reading that. I'm that person, the one who's taken notes on Lewis' essay The Weight of Glory to be sure I was properly understanding it. I revel in my geekiness) Also, this validates my life philosophy, which is that you have to try. Just ask! I'd tell my friends when we wanted to have a sleepover. "Maybe it is too late and the parents will say no. But maybe they'll be in a good mood. What do you have to lose? Just ask!"

So, I reason, maybe I'm too late to take the class, but if I ask, politely...maybe the teacher'll be inclined to let a student who really wants to study in--because I can say for myself, it's far more of a joy to teach someone who wants to learn. She might say, "I'm sorry, closed is closed," but she might not. It turned out to be that she didn't. I had to ask to find out, and I'm glad I did.

The principal of "Just Ask" is lacking in the general way of things. Sometimes people think to themselves, "There's no way, I'd never win/get accepted/become friends with him; so I might as well save my energy and not try." The biblical axiom of, "You do not have because you do not ask" bears out: they don't have everything they could from life because they don't ask anything from life. Maybe they did ask once: tried a business, a relationship, a school, and got rejected. The thing with asking is, sometimes--oftentimes-- the answer is "no". Sometimes people can't shrug it off and try again: sometimes they become bitter about it, and believe that because that's what happened once, that's the way it's always going to be, so they stop asking for things. But they still want something. But since they're not asking, reaching, or trying for it, they don't receive it; but they become convinced that that is further proof that they wouldn't have gotten it anyway. In a sort of savage way, they feel vindicated. The cycle continues downward from there.

I'm not being judgemental. I'm not touchy-feely "oh, if you believe in yourself you can do anything" types. At all. That is a myth that makes me aggressively sick to my stomach. But I do think that when you're negative on yourself, you make self-fulfilling prophecies.

I also think that there are two reasons for not asking. One is that some people, odd as is it may seem, really derive a sort of bitter enjoyment of feeling downtrodden and unlucky. They like to feel sorry for themselves. It's a seductive pleasure I've sometimes struggled with. I honestly think it's a tool of the Enemy. It makes us focused on ourselves and our petty issues instead of God. It makes us angry towards other people: towards the people who didn't give us what we wanted, towards people who did get what they wanted. And if you think that self absorption and anger can't be twisted into soul-destroying levels, I have some swampland in Florida I'd like to sell you.

The second reason people don't ask is a little more logical. They are content to be part of the masses, because that's safe. It's scary and uncomfortable and even painful to be something more, something better.

Some people don't ask because they're afraid they'd get what the asked for.

Last of the Italy pictures

Except actually they're Germany, not Italy. We stopped in Dragonsburg (um, I'm actually pretty sure I'm getting this wrong but that's what I heard it as). It was around 6:45 in the morning and COLD. I mean really really COLD. Like you know the earring I have in my cartiledge? It was so cold that sucker froze, and let me tell you, that hurts. Seriously.

Anyway, (of course) we had stopped to see a cathedral, but it was Gothic instead of gilded. I found it much more impressive, especially with the spires towering up to disappear into the early morning mist. (If I may brag a little, these are two of my favorite of the pictures I've taken.)


Inside it was that kind of half-light that simply does not work in pictures, but in some small areas I was able to use flash to get the image. Here's a well in the cathedral. I guess for sieges? Honestly, I have no idea why, but I think it's really cool.
And here is a small pulpit on one of the pillars of the main sanctuary.
At that's really all folks for the Italy Trip pictures.

Rainbows!

I have been anticipating (and putting off) the necessity of buying an SD card reader, believing the cord that connects my computer to my camera to be having a wild time without me somewhere in Europe. Unfortunately for the cord, but fortunately for me, what really happened is that it got cold feet and hid in my father's music paraphenalia box instead. Therefore I am pleased to once again have the capability of showing everyone snapshots of my life. bwahaha.

One thing I think is important, and that I don't do enough, is to notice the little things. Little beauties and kindnesses etc. etc. etc. I don't want to tarnish my reputation as a slightly (cough) cynical, definitely non-mushy type, because I don't tend to think in daisies and roses. But I do love to take moments to pause and watch the sparrows that sometimes come to rest on the bushes outside the computer room (ex-schoolroom) window, or examine the butterflies that come to those bushes with the flowers by the door (botany is not my strong subject, okay?!).

One of the little quirks of my house that I really love is that at certain times and conditions, the sunlight coming from the main bathroom upstairs sometimes filters through that window in just such a way as to create a little rainbow on the door of the linen closet.
I love coming up the stairs and being surprised by the unexpected splash of color.

In Which I Learn Not to Volunteer

We have new youth pastors coming to the old church. This is great and wonderful, and I thought I would be helpful and help prepare for their arrival. Especially when I peeked into their office and saw that it was a complete wreck. I was at church for the afternoon anyway, until my mother was done work and could drive me home, so I decided to spend my time there doing my part and beginning to clear out the spaces. It's just wrong to come into that kind of mess at your new job. That was on Tuesday.

We just finished the first day of painting today, Thursday.

Somehow, three hours of moving computer parts has morphed into a four (or, gulp, five) day project mainly spearheaded by myself.

That'll teach me to volunteer.

Conflicting feelings

I'm excited about school in the fall and for my new job as a temp worker (sort of. Temp work=well-paid dullness), there are things here that sometimes shadow that.

I don't like posting about things that involve people other than myself who I know (i.e. my friends). So I haven't written about things like one of my best friends moving to Minnesota in a few weeks, or how another (former?) best friend's been shutting me out. I appreciate the friends I have, but sometimes my joy in them is dimmed by how I'm losing, in two different ways, relationships that I cherish.

I wish I could write something telling and eloquent, something that would somehow make sense of it. But there is nothing to make sense of; everything passes and changes; it is what it is. It's a bitter pill to swallow and I have no words to express it.

Great news and the reclamation of my soul

We got back from the two day registration/orientation session at University of Pittsburgh last night. Let me just say that I am extremely excited! Here are the classes I'm taking:

1. Intro to Islamic Civilization
2. Arabic 1
3. Observational Astronomy
4. Into to Economics
5. Japanese 3

I was disappointed that a course on Tolkien and Lewis was closed--but you can't have everything. I'll also be advocating my way into Japanese 4 if it's at all possible. That was the only part of the session that wasn't great--meeting with the head of the Japanese Department. He's a very nice, sweet, and stubborn old gentleman. He agreed to let me take third year Japanese; however, he didn't test me at all to see where my actual level is. I tried to show my ability as best I could; but when I gave him my textbook, saying that I should be done it by the time the fall term begins, he wouldn't even look at the table of contents--even though he said that he didn't know the textbook at all. He also refused to look at an essay I had brought to show him or speak to me at length in Japanese, although he refused in a very genteel way. Actually rather Japanese, now that I think about it.

I went down to the bookstore and flipped through the third year textbook and was dismayed to see that it's all grammar and so on that I learned last year! Since I'm still determined to proceed in Japanese, I'll probably need to be on this professor's good graces, so I decided not to push my luck aggravating him. But that doesn't mean I won't go to the teacher before classes start and beg her to test me and see if it's at all possible I could move up. My mother keeps telling me to be my own advocate--something I admit that I sometimes have problems with--and this is important enough to me that I'll be listening to her.

The second great thing that happened was that I found out today that I was accepted into Honors Housing! I am really excited: not only will I be surrounded by a group of students with a lower likelihood of being drunk party-ers, the actual building that houses the Honors Community is nicer than the one that most freshman get :). Also, it's a smaller environment, which is great for me. Pitt is a huge university, which can be pretty intimidating.

The third great thing is that I decided not to become a knife salesman. It was one of those things where I needed a job, but then after thinking about it for twenty four sort of sinking feeling filled hours, I decided I didn't need one that badly. The thought of giving a sales pitch makes my stomach knot. But getting the job did give me the confidence I needed to start calling around again. I have a job interview today and two tomorrow, so I think I'm pretty much assured of getting gainful employment. It probably won't pay as much as the Cutco thing, but I won't be miserable doing it. But more on that later.

Oh, and one last good thing? Pirates of the Caribbean, tonight! I highly doubt it'll be as good as the first one--the second definitely wasn't--but it does promise to be amusing. Perhaps even highly amusing. I'll let y'all know.